8 Traps When Facing Those Difficult Employee Conversations

Difficult conversations are inevitable when you manage people. Whether you're addressing performance issues with them, negotiating a tough contract, or resolving a conflict with a colleague. These conversations can be challenging, but avoiding common mistakes can make them more manageable and productive.

After 13 years of being involved in tough conversations in the workplace, I've narrowed down to the 8 traps you need to avoid at all costs.

Examples of difficult conversations

In my work with various businesses, from 3 to 2000 employees, I've encountered a few recurring conflicts that often pop up.

1. Performance issues: Issues such as missed deadlines, quality problems, or a lack of initiative create tension between managers and staff. 90% of the time, these conflicts often come from unclear expectations or insufficient feedback.

2. Team disputes: Conflicts between team members can come up due to personality clashes, misaligned work styles, or competition. These disputes can massively disrupt operations and affect team morale.

3. Lack of role clarity: Sometimes, employees are unsure of their responsibilities or how their roles fit into the bigger picture. This lack of clarity leads to misunderstandings and overlapping duties, creating friction within the team.

4. Workload imbalance: Unequal distribution of workload causes conflicts, particularly if some employees feel overburdened while others seem to have a lighter load. This imbalance can lead to frustration and complaints. I see this happen often when an underperformer isn't being managed properly (this is linked to point 1 above).

5. Communication breakdowns: Poor communication creates misunderstandings and conflict. Whether it's unclear instructions, mixed messages, or a lack of regular updates, these breakdowns affect team cohesion and performance.

Recognise these common conflicts so that you can take proactive steps to address them before they escalate. Clear communication, defined expectations, and timely intervention are key to resolving these issues effectively.

Top 8 traps to avoid

1. Lack of understanding of legal ramifications

Before getting into any conversation, be mindful of the legal risks, such as bullying, unfair dismissal, constructive dismissal, discrimination, etc. To avoid costly mistakes and keep things on track, follow a clear and organised process that helps protect both you and your business.

2. Lack of documentation

Documentation is crucial in any serious conversation for two main reasons: it serves as evidence if needed, and it helps prevent miscommunication by clearly outlining the way forward.

Tip - Using a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP) template is a great way to keep everything on track. It ensures you cover all the necessary steps, key points to address, and specific areas to focus on.

3. Treating symptoms only

If you have difficulties figuring out why an employee is not performing well you need to consider different reasons (root cause) beyond those that you observe (symptom). Addressing only the visible issues without digging deeper can lead to recurring problems. For example, if an employee is frequently late, but you don’t address potential underlying issues such as personal challenges or job dissatisfaction, the problem will persist.

Tip - Investigate the root causes of the issue to find a more effective and long-term solution (I have a great tool for this, send me an email sandra@hrconsultingtas.com.au if you'd like to get access).

4. Thinking it might just sort itself out

Hoping that problems will magically fix themselves is not only unrealistic but also risky. Often, fear is what holds you back from taking action, and this fear only makes things worse. Ignoring issues can lead to them growing into bigger, more complex problems over time. Instead, face issues head-on as soon as they come up. Handling them quickly and directly helps stop them from becoming even bigger headaches later on.

5. Not clarifying expectations

Misunderstandings often stem from unclear expectations. Whether it’s about job roles, project deadlines, or behavioural standards. The expectations might be clear to you, but it does not mean they are clear to your employees!

6. Defensiveness (instead of curiosity)

Defensiveness, or any other type of emotional reaction, automatically shut down constructive dialogue. Instead of reacting defensively, approach the conversation with curiosity and an open mind.

Do less talking, and more listening, ask questions to understand the other person’s perspective before making judgments.

7. Failing to find common ground

When you can’t find common ground, resolving issues becomes much harder. If everyone involved can’t agree on the basic principles or goals, moving forward can feel impossible. It’s like trying to build something on shaky ground—it just won’t hold up.

To overcome this, start by looking for common objectives. Find what you all agree on, no matter how small. Use these commonalities as a foundation to build from. This way, you can work towards solutions that everyone can accept and feel good about.

Tip: The book "Crucial Conversations" is a great read on this topic.

8. Lack of curiosity

Entering a conversation with a fixed mindset or preconceived notions can cloud your judgment and stop you from finding common ground and solutions. Approach each conversation with an open mind and curiosity. This will also help you identify root causes over symptoms (see point 3 above).

The skill of handling difficult conversations courageously and efficiently is a crucial skill for any leader, and any business. By recognising and avoiding the 8 common key traps, you can handle these conversations more effectively and prevent them from escalating.

If you have concerns about this topic, or need help with difficult conversations, send me an email at sandra@hrconsultingtas.com.au.

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